By Sheila Kun, Salesian Cooperator
Before I got married, my mom used to say: “I am not sure about you being a mom; you sleep through the night with stormy thundering, you never pay attention to details, and you don’t seem to have the tender, loving warmth of a girl.” In short, she predicted that I was too much of a tomboy to fit the image of a traditional Chinese mom. Looking back, I have proven her wrong. I had asked myself this question: What are the characteristics of a good mom? And how do you know if you’re actually a good mother?
In the old days, there were no parenting classes. But my childhood memory tells me that mom is someone who accepts all my imperfections – I was a sloppy girl who ran rather than walked, hence not really lady-like, who did not really care if a button was missing from my jacket, and who detested knitting or sewing. Being a mother of seven children, my mom had plenty of patience. I bet it is not an easy job trying to figure out what works for you and your kids and learning to trust you to be that constant. The constant of love and understanding, the constant of forgiving mistakes made. Your presence is the glue that holds the family together.
In addition to the experience we have from our own mother, in the month of May, we cannot help but think of our Blessed Mother. My favorite image of her is her at the foot of the cross, holding Jesus in her arms. The suffering of losing your own son, the unconditional love to endure the hardship, and the determination to go on with life, is to me, the biggest lesson of being a mom. It is so easy to enjoy a healthy baby, a family with no financial burden, and a great husband. But the moms of a child with special needs, or mental illness or with a terminal medication condition require more than the usual characteristics of a good mom. These moms respond to what works for that child or that family, trusting their own instincts and armed with the motherly intuition of unconditional love, no matter what.
Going through the last years of our life, wouldn’t it be lovely to have a mom who would be tender to our needs? Unfortunately, that is not the natural progression of life; we don’t have moms to pick us up from our falls with our hips giving way to osteoporosis, we don’t have moms to ask us how we feel when we come down with illnesses, we don’t have moms to stop us from over-indulging in foods that are not good for us. In short, you are on your own with aging. For those of you who have children or families, your special needs could be taken care of. But think about those who do not have children or families to turn to. What would be the solution to address the problems of aging, and medication situations that require care?
The month of May enlightens me with this bold solution: Let us be moms to each other! Now, some of our clergy friends would say: “We don’t have the experience of being a mom.” That, in my opinion, does not make you less qualified to become a mom. It is not a gender transformation, but rather, it is a transformation of our own attitudes to give, to care, to love, to accept, to be tough and resilient with hardships. Just reflect back on what your mom did and experience the parental skills shown to us by our Blessed Mother. We have no excuse not to be good moms!
Mortality is 100% for all of us. There is no exception, but we can help our seniors enjoy life at home by being the best moms we can be to them. Moms can create a lovely home environment to allow our seniors to grow old gracefully. The aroma of the coffee in the morning, the simple home-made dishes that you like, the warm “good mornings” and “how are you?” and the meticulous attention to your medication regimen all make being at home the best golden years of your life.