By Sheila Kun RN, BA, BSN, MS

You might recall this write-up about seniors in their aging process and the challenges ahead of them. The following captures the scenario that seniors might be facing:

Be aware that the people surrounding you are less and less. Your grandparents, parents, uncles, and aunts probably have gone before you by now. You are left with families or friends of your age group. These peers do have their own lives, and most likely, they would not keep you company. Many of them might even move out of state to join their children. Friends of your own age group whom you might want to socialize with might have their own retirement lives. The younger generation does not have time for you either. They are preoccupied with their families and their careers, and even when it comes to vacation, they might have different interests in vacation destinations. In other words, expect to be pretty alone. For those who are married, your spouse might have gone before you. There are fewer people accompanying you. What is available is “ample time on hand” for you to feel lonely. In other words, be prepared to learn to live alone. You have to learn how to manage your life independently. Otherwise, be ready to taste and savor emptiness and depression.

Now that we have identified the problem – being left behind and alone, what is your strategy to combat this problem? This is not a unique situation; it happens to all of us. Sooner or later, your parents, your siblings, and friends will pass away. Like I said before, aging has a 100% mortality. So, how should we face being alone?

I remember the late Fr. Chris Woerz, who had been an amazing model for all of us when it comes to adapting to chronic illness. For those of you who knew Fr. Chris, he was hospitalized for almost six months during the last days of his life. When we visited him, he was always in a good mood; he was very engaging with all the current events and definitely had his own opinion on social happenings. His laptop was always at his bedside. While hospitalized, he managed to give us Cooperators at St. Joseph formation lessons on a monthly basis. Therefore, the induction preparation for new Cooperators had not stopped even with his hospitalization – he was our spiritual director. His PowerPoint presentation was as sharp as ever. Being a nurse myself, I interviewed him once and asked him how he coped with chronic illness. His response was stunning: “I am alone, but I am not lonely!” It was true that it was not easy to keep up with the visits to the hospital when his stay was over six months. However, he managed to map out a schedule for himself; there was always a new lecture that he had to prepare or a new project that he was contemplating launching. In short, being in the hospital did not stop him from being productive.

Another story I have to share is Fr. Paul Caporali. He was always full of energy, even when he was in the convalescent home. One day, I visited him, and he said he was preaching to a group in the morning. I thought to myself: “Did he think he was at St. Joseph? Is this dementia?” Little did I know that when I passed the hall and glanced at the scheduled daily activities, I found out that, indeed, Fr. Paul was giving a talk to the residents of the nursing home. He had not forgotten to do what he was passionate about, preaching the Gospel, even in his sick bed. 

For those of us who do not live in the community as the confreres, how do we carry out our mission in life? Are we totally alone when family members have gone before us, or do we remember that God is always with us? One of my high school classmates was diagnosed with brain cancer stage 4. She has no family living with her except a daughter who lives out of state. She manages to keep herself busy every day. When I asked her how she did it, she simply replied: “I ask the Lord every morning – how can I serve your people today?” Her routine includes serving morning Mass at her community and volunteering at a soup kitchen. Socially, she connects with her friends for lunch or even a game of Mah Jong every week.

How can we emulate Fr. Chris and say: I am alone, but I am not lonely? Well, it is totally up to us to figure out what works best for you to have a purpose in life and a plan that serves the Lord and His people.